bleak

feeling rather complex .
happy
glad
devastated
disappointed
and soo much more

i have soo much emotions in me...so much so that i am unable to put in words
so much so that i am overwhelm by it
so much so that it is unbearable

i need , i desperately need someone whom i could open my heart to talk to , sharing my thoughts and the deepest secret hidden in my heart.

that secret is really hard to say , hard to bring up. it is slowly devouring me , rotting every single part of me but i supposed there are no one that i can REALLY rely that i can REALLY talk to .
sometimes i feel like falling in a bottomless pit , hopeless , bleak future . at times i feel the urge to destroy , everything in my way everything i saw everything i know. sick and tired......

anyway reason for feeling glad , firstly i am promoted secondly , i am really happy that my friends are all promoted mainly my situ an example could be ks , i am really worried that she might ..... but i am really happy and glad that nothing happen , i fear and worried during those days , fear that i might drop n fear that my beloved friends might drop but now i can rest my thoughts now. i am truly glad and happy .

right now i am absolutely feeling exhausted , i am really mentally tormented and physically .
i can't see whats ahead and i am terrified by this kind of uncertainty in me. but one thing for sure , what lies ahead is really depend what i do now.
but what do i want? continued to be bothered by the feelings? by my emotion? but i could not get over it no matter how i tried.
i'm truly tired......tas-ke-teh.........

finally exam is over!!! woohoo yipee. but i fear about the result.
i fear that i might drop
i fear that it might not be in my expectation
but to be honest , i did not really put in my 100% in it. i was rather distracted during that period , but i am able to say that as compared to last time , i am much concentrated this time and i am proud of it but not soo proud.....zzzz

i alwayz knew that i can do it in fact everyone has the ability to do so. but to trigger it , is really hard, a real life example could be me =) zzzzz

haizz what had done had been done so i guess there is no use fretting over it right?

the first day after my exam , i literally just disable myself at home hahaz it soo damn shoik lorz de whole day no one at home , parent went overseas and my sister went for work and school. i play computer de almost the whole day it rock~~~especially after a stressful week

btw now i am still rather concern and disturb when people said me fat T.T therefore i sort of did a stupid survey [characteristic of a fat person] i am being very honest horz
traces of fat person did these traces happen to me
-fat person is easily sweat (not really)
-fat person breathe heavily (no)
-fat person smells (ermm)
-fat person alwayz fidget (no)
-fat person have large or enormous butt (no)
-fat person have lots of pimples (yes -.-)
-fat person eat alot (not quite ba)
-fat person have flabby arms and legs (errr...)
-some fat person are discriminated by ppl (nope)

i guess that's all i can think of ba so overall i have more no's den yes's therefore i AM NOT FAT!!!!

*am i deceiving myself.....

last post before exam =) (10:53)

1h and 7 min more before the day of my exam.

i know that this exam is really very crucial therefore i will definitely do my best , this is the promise i gonna make for myself in my blog. hence i hope that the up-coming post i will be posting will be something positive. wish me good luck readers....

i luv bio...i luv my bio teacher!!! because of bio , it had greatly increase the confident in me , i had scored the highest in the class .This is definitely a great recognition for me , i am proud of myself.
I KNOW I CAN DO IT.....

i had a bet with two people in my class , the first bet is to bet who gets the highest of the bio test and i did it , the prize i got is a bottle of peach tea , i know it does not cost much but it tasted sweeter den ever lol.
the second bet , is to bet who gets the best score for end of year. i really hope that it will be me.....not for the prize but also for myself my H-S-I-W-H TO HAPPEN.....

i yearn , desperately require it. i will really work hard , i'll promised myself......


photo before exam....

JIA YOU , KAN-PA-DE , ALL THE BEST , GOOD LUCK IVAN CHONG!!!!! PURSUE WHAT YOU WANTED!!!!

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is been pretty long since i post. these days definitely happened many things. unhappiness , happiness etc
all these aren't important anymore , i do not take it to heart anymore. perhaps i had seen through it already...
i realized happiness and unhappiness is simply just a line away. it does not require much to be happy or sad it just depend on how you think and how u want to look at things. if you wanna be happy u will be , vice-versa to unhappiness.

As for me , i forget about all the things that happened around me. mainly about things that are ain't important like emotional , relationships etc.
In school i just wears a mask and pretended to be wad i am now pretended to be concerned pretended to be shocked just pretend. i felt rather nice this way i do not feel unhappy or anything.
anything that happened in schools i just forget forgive and move on. this is now the ''motto'' for me i supposed.
all i ever wanted to do , my priorities is to score well in my academy. all the things are simply just empty shell , nothing useless. just something that obstructs your way.

i realized that i had been spending too much time too much energy on searching for and maintaining good relationships with friends but it seem no avail . instead , it obstructs my way.
i had given up now. anything happened to my friends or anything , i will react on the spot but at home i would just forget again and concentrate on things that i am supposed to do. i dun care any more , it sucks caring for others when people doesn't.

i'm not feeling frustrated that why i typed this post. is simply because .........i dun know how to put into words is just how i felt .i am sick and tired of my life ....really....same routine over and over again.

sick and tired !!!! sick and tired!!! as if falling into an endless spiral. i need something, someone , somebody to get ME out .

i have a million things to rant about. but i suppress it and finally or should i say eventually, just a balloon , it burst , poof and that is the end.