A new year, a new beginning

2012 is finally here, a year where many believe it is a catastrophic one- The end of humanity.

2011 is pretty happening, in which , i've grew up.

since with every incidents, a lesson will be learned and  people grew wiser with it, 2011 sure is a obstacle- filled journey

in 2011, i got my o level result and was the result was surprising.
not surprisingly good for others but surprisingly good for me, since i did not study much.

it was the year where i got my very first job as a worker at a restaurant.

the experience was terrible as it was really tough for a first job.

but even if i do not think it is terrible, the workers there with me would think my company there was terrible since i almost burnt down the kitchen with my stupidity.

long story to that but worthy to hear.

2011 is also the year where my education was brought to a whole new level.
i embarked my poly journey and bid farewell to my secondary life.

however, i did not grieve or showing any signs reluctance to my leaving of secondary life.
to that, it is because my life then was terrible.
but that, i know that i brought this to myself, since i made the wrong decision of leaving, so i should not blame anyone.

on the bright side of 2011, i've made friends that are really worthy to make.
they are probably the best harvest i got in 2011.

my semester 1 in my poly was amazing.

our class have conflict, laughter and fun, and most importantly, i'm in this history.

i've grew so much in 2011 and for my new year resolution,
1) i hope i will have more friends so that i will not be lonely in festive holidays,
2) move towards my dream to be a singer or better still, achieve it
3) more happiness less tears
4) more socialize
5) improve in my studies
6) drive everyone tears away and replace with a smile

christmas

christmas is right around the corner.

just a few months back i was saying, ' what?! god, they sure are fast! christmas is still months away!'

and now, its a just couple of days away.

christmas is usually not something that i'll celebrate or in general, i do not celebrate holidays.

there are a couple of reason to this anti-holiday me, a nice way to say would be that i do not wish to.

but in actual fact, i do not have friends to do so.

but even if i do, they have their their dates, their programmes, their friends.

i won't be their priority.


i'm starting to hate holidays.

my young-self would not feel so hollow as i am now.

now as i grew older, the more exposure to media,  the more i'm getting bombed by the emphasis of the holiday.

it is just really annoying to how the people and the media gives a impression  to the public that holiday should be significant.

i know i sound  bitter and full of jealousy but a person in solitary writing blog should be gaining some sympathy, so excuse me.


  new years eve is also right around the corner, probably the most significant holiday ever.

so as it drew nearer, my legs starts to shake, not in excitement but in fear.

seemingly my fortitude is going to crumble down.

i want to make it special....

the past 16 years was pathetic.

i have no one to celebrate since i got hated for stupid reason about how i behave and all.

for all the insults i heard and having to say that i do not care, yes i do.

even despite punching myself to stop absorbing those negative message, i failed.

they hated me, or maybe i should say dislike, so as to make you feel better and to spark off less controversy of, ' oh no i do not hate you' or ' oh i never say i do not like you '

oh just shut up.

listen to all the crap you're saying,  stuffing your own crap into your mouth will taste the same.

last year, i said i'll become more socialize since social phobia came to me then.

And yes i did, i became more socialized.

but this wish to become more socialized is to hope that i be accompanied during the holidays

so as it seems, being socialized isn't enough to make people stay.