shortlisted....

The result is cruel, it will alwayz end up in two situation. one happy and the other , shattered.

i'm shortlisted from the competition....

the result that i look forward to , so much so that i almost every hour check my mail . finally i decided to visit their website for answers and discovered that they had posted the list on their website.
feeling excited , carefully i find my name on the list. however it was all in vain.

deceiving myself , i check umpteen times on the list until i have left with no choice but to convinced myself that my singing SUCKS , to convinced myself that my dream will FOREVER be a fucking dream that will not be realized.
i'm shattered.

told sheralin that if this competition fails , i will focus on my study and stop having this dream.
so my dream just ends here.

while surfing the net , i realized that there are people who sang far more better than me who are not discovered yet. i guess chances for me is impossible.

i'm really convinced that my singing sucks.....or isit not?

shattered from my dreams, hopefully this would turn into a drive - a reason to make me study for good and stop dreaming for god sake.....

it hurts...

shortlisted....

THESE VIDEO ABOVE IS SOO FUNNY!!

day , night , tick , tock . END

Back to posting.....everyday seem to be less than 24h



day passes quickly, so much so that i lost track of it.



Am i losing out the fun?



i'm afraid



Today is christmas eve and i'm staying at home like before. no commotions , no laughter just peace and serenity.
well of course , during this time i should be outside having all the fun and being overwhelmed by the festive season. well as u all know ........zzzz i dun wanna be so longwinded to repeat myself over and over again , ranting and ranting about the unhappiness of my life . I'm sick already nonetheless to the ''outsiders''

this is not the lowest point of my life , i already get use to it , or should i say i have to get use to it therefore such thing doesn't bother much. on the contrary , i should say this is the lowest point of my relationship in my life.

date to school reopen is in countdown and more thing are there for me to get bother and frustrated.
firstly , i dunno how am i gonna face THEM when school reopen , i mean like my normal schedule will be ruined example , every morning i would seat with THEM to make myself feel comfortable before starting class but i'm unable to do so anymore , so what am i gonna do.secondly , i promised my parents and mainly myself to do well and work hard this hard . what i'm bothered about is that i am scared that my determination might fade anytime , O level is awaiting me next year , working hard definitely inevitable but i just afraid that i might lost myself and bothered about things like relation etc. haizzz i seriously hope nothing could affect my determination.

2010

had made a rather weird but good decision today.
i always wanted to watch movie with my friends however none of them are free hence i always drop the idea of watching any movie and having fun with my friends.

But 2day i went to the cinema myself , i dress up and get all ready to go. i lied to my sister saying that i watching with my friends , not knowing that my life is in total mass already. Not acting tough, just not letting another person to worried about me , i mean is like what is the point? therefore i did perform relatively well in front of my family *hidden and deceived. in addition , going alone is also to ''defeat'' my SP as well.

well thinking about it , the last time going out alone is......hmmmm nope no record at all, well i did have friends last time so going alone is impossible but now going alone might be something i must get use to.

going towards my destinations , i encounted a teenage who is sweating under the hot sun and approached me for donation for some starvation thingy
As it was too sudden , i decline and went forward. I felt rather bad for not doing so but soon after this matter slowly fade out of my mind.

after i bought everything*nachos and ticket. I check my ticket and saw a unfamiliar alphabet - seat Q.
when i went into the cinema , i search for my seat calmly but soon after that i started to frantic as i'm unable to find my seat . Finally after much effort i found my seat which is hidden in the top corner at the cinema where no one could barely notice me.

The arrangement did suit me as i somehow like to be hidden and not to be discovered by others. however one of the purpose of this outing is to ''defeeat' my SP hence i did not really like the arrangement.

about the movie i dun wish to spoil the fun for you therefore please go check it out yourself . All i can say is that is really brilliantly done showing the fear , complication and selfishness of humanity . excellent movie =)

btw after watching de movie and on the way home , the same person that called me to donate appear and ask me for donation. i really did feel very bad , he is sweating like rain and been standing for ages . however i still did not donate hahaha i very niao horz

i'm lost

after the nervewracking advanture aka singing competition , i'm still rather worried about the result though. my friend did tell me to stop worrying that much but i just could not settle down however i'm glad that someone is there to say such things to me.

using computer to get me out of this crazy world and settle me in a safe and comfortable pace .

As i'm using checking around and caring about my long-lost friend even though i had already said that i had long forgot them . but as i look through them , the pictures they uploads and the messages they posted just kept haunting me and bothering me.

i'm really a complex person , i don't know what i want.

i'm still caring even though i'm being hate.

i'm still keeping track behind every news of my friends.

such complicated fucking person i am

the smiles and happiness blossomed from the pictures and messages roses a deep jealousy , resentment and the pathetic me.

i felt very envious about the fun they are having when they are going out and being overwhelmed by their friends passions and love. i would always wish that i'm in the picture and being discussed in their messages
i'm really missing out the fun. not being socialize is not i chose or whatsoever.

anyway i felt rather bad about the boring outing with U today sorry that i'm unable to put a smile on you. i had already lost old me and this is just the new me. all i could do is to care and help in my best ability ......

camp......*positive =)

As what i had stated in my previous post , i felt totally nervous. i wore a orange jacket , a black hat and listen to the nerve calming song.

The moment i step into the school , i did felt a chilly in my spine which i could not figure out if it is the feeling of excitement or dreadfulness. whatsoever , i did felt uncomfortable when reached the school.

the school bell rang and my mind started ticking hesterically , thousands of thoughts boggles my mind and my heart started racing

the first activity was dancing in the studio and to be honest , i wasn't enjoying the dance at all but just doing for the sake of choir. This piece of dance will be packaged with our voice and will be presented to the secondary ones during the CCA fair , in addition , the dance we are gonna do are really funky which is the first time ever a choir did such thing ever especially in singapore therefore it sounded very serious and important. hence i did the dance merely for the sake of choir. Oh and just to add on horz , before we dance we will have to have some warm up and the warm-up are really extremely crazy!!! it really broke my old pile of bones *ouch..... T.T

each and every steps , each and every seconds , gradually i enjoy each moments i'm having ,more importantly the stress in me lessen and i started to more''open'' aka socialize .

next is lunch where we have chicken rice *but not nice de
after lunch we have the next activity which is also the activity that made me really open up and socialize with my CCA-mates. The activity is actually a bonding game and we have to have fun with the cooling beautiful water where we get ourselves wet and get ourselves some laughter

I dun know about the others but as for me , the bonding games really managed to
marked a bright smile behind the fake harden mask.

we spent time underneath the bright warm sun and water just fall on us with soo much of cooling sensation and joy . It was truely overwhelming.

just going out of point a bit , the absents of jinwei really bothers me AT FIRST but slowly the importance of his existance gradually faded and i'm really feel rather sorry that he miss out such fun. i dun know if he made a excuse or whatsoever , i just think that since u are already in this environment , in this ''society'' i felt that u should just let it go and stop whining about like a big baby about this and that , anyway the time left in the ''society'' is numbered.

back to the topic ,after the water thingy we went into something that does not require any motion except for our throat. we had some voice practice. even though it is kinda boring but i did learn something that is beneficial for me especially for my up-coming competition.

after the practice we went for BBQ !!!!! WOOHOOO FUN!!!!!!
We ate thousand of things over there and most importantly i do not even have to move and food just keep coming hahahahahahahazzz i'm sure gonna be fat hahahahahahahahahahahazzz

after everything we finally get to bathe!!! after bathing my friend and i go use the computer oh btw we are sleeeping in the possiblity centre horz so theres aircon!!!!
we used the computer till 2 plus and just when we wanted fall into our dreamland , my CCA-mates wanna watch some movie and we watched [10 promised to your dog] which is also the movie that i cried when i watched it some years ago.

i was soo dead beat and my body are just aching all over me but the sound of the movie just keep pushing me away from my dreamland.
until everything is off , i finally fall asleep but that time was already 3 or 4 plus liaoz and we have to assemble at 7:00
i woke up and with blurry vision i look at my watch and saw the time is already 6+ already. without hesitation i quickly got up get ready and be puncture .

after breakfast the first activity was dance again and we dance for 2hours again and managed to complete the whole choragraphy of the dance we were told to do. i totally fall in love both the dance and the song with it.

after dance we have lunch , after that we have the practise again . until 5 o'clock we are finally able to leave the school and go home .
after every single things i done during these days , the word ''camp'' in my mind had changed 360degree into something that is not as dreadful as i thought it would be.

ALSO BECAUSE OF POSTING THIS , I HAVEN SLEEP YET SINCE THE PREVIOUS NIGHT SO BE PROUD OF MY ASAP SPEED TO POST THIS FOR U TO READ =)

*overall i would like to have a camp like this again especially with my CCA-mates =)


SONG WE GONNA SING AND DANCE WITH IT!!! ENJOY PEOPLE!!! GROOVEE IT

upcoming events
-singing competition 9 dec 2009*
-choir camp 7&8 dec 2009

About the upcoming camp next week , i actually felt rather worried about it. i worried that something bad would happen to me on that day as it did happen to me for my previous camp. another reason is also because of my SP and one more reason is because i'll be facing my situ friends and i really dunno how am i gonna face them.

however one thing for sure is that , i definitely have to wear a mask for the 2 days 1 nights, to fake ignorance and protect myself.

i'm really terrified that something terrible would happen , i fear that the camp would end up the same as the BBQ , being left alone scarred , abused and tormented.

of course there are things that i look forward to for the camp example like singing in front of everyone and being recognized by everyone .
able to boost my confidents with all the recognitions , complement and that is what i require for my up-coming competition as well.
carefully and taking caution of what i eat so that i would not hurt my voice and ruined my ''dream''

HOPE THAT THE NEXT POST WOULD BE SOMETHING HAPPY.........