failed. jyp audition

the answer is right at the tittle and yes, i've failed, again.

i genuinely hate failure, specifically on myself.

i know its apparent but i have to say that failure really brings you down. seemingly, even for a tough person it is inevitable to feel that way either. of course, i'm not saying base on my experience because i'm a weak person.

i knew that i am a person whose confidence and self esteem will crumble and turn into smithereens with just a impact from a slight wind. indeed, i'm just that weak and desperately require recognition from others.

i haven changed much since i started this blog and its really saddening and sickening to see myself this way. i just could not help it but to feel, depressed, demoralized and hurt after facing failure.

i need time to recover and during that time, i felt totally disgusted with singing and with my voice, so much so that i stop singing until now, which is why i had start to write about it.
seriously, all these thing of require-time-to-heal stuff are really juvenile, at least for my age.

but whatever, back to the main thing- details on that day.

terrible way to start a brand new day- overslept. especially for such important day, it is really dreading even by the thought of it. all because of this, it rendered me having a bad hair day that i barely dare to look at myself in the mirror . besides my hair , my bloodshot eyes and my continuously yawning action, everything was fine. although it sounds terrible but i wasn't late for my audition at the very least.

i will always imagine things and i had imagined the scene that i will see during my audition day but apparently, all the things i've imagine does not live up my expectation. the human traffic there was utterly shocking or maybe its because of the low budget venue that had that made it seems so * its at the community centre btw -.-

theres was two lines of queue to the registration counter, one is for those who had registered online and one is for the walk-in audition in other words, the last minutes. fortunately, i've registered online and that made me save a lot of time as we had the priorities.

*note, registration counter is where they provide you with the number tag and registrating online is just.....i dunno for wad either.

after the queue for the registration counter, i was placed in a zigzag human line at the door step of the hall. btw, it had taken an hour just for the registration counter. i tried my best to turn my vision away from the people in the hall but i just could not help it as it was SOOOOO packed with human! just imagine a 5 person lift filled with 5 fatty inside, or maybe not as exaggerating but it just meant that they used the space in the hall very ''sufficiently''. though they had used it very so but it was still not enough to filled that much of people inside the pathetic small budget hall.

everyone outside the hall was sweating and i could barely smell the sweat from the person beside me. some people who wore makeup also became a disaster for them because of the sweat and its definitely a joy for me. seriously, some people are really hilarious, the way they dress themselves is really OMG, in a bad way. there was one person wearing the socking with the leopard printings on it. the printing was supposed to be sexy when it is small but when it was enlarged by the person who wear it, well..... presentation failed.

theres a lot of people there who looks terrible and made me laugh so badly. i know i'm being pretty mean here but imagine waiting for your turn for 5 hours without doing anything, of course you'll find something to entertain yourself mah and this was just my way of it.



after 5 hours that seems forever, my heart started to turned active and raced. with my new found friend , both of us were really trembling and we supported each other before the moment to audition. just to say, my that new found friend was really funny! he was just 15 and because he was also a youtuber we started off with it. i think he is a arab and i could not really comprehend accent that well so what ever he said or ask me, i'll either laugh or say, ''ya, ya'' when i dun understand. just hope that he din say things like '' you looked disgusting today'' and my reply....

btw he sang justin bieber song -.-

anyway, when i step into the actual audition hall, the atmosphere was terribly intense and gravity seems to be pressing down on me. i soon realized the judges were the one who contributed to the atmosphere. with their piercing eyes and cold attitude towards the contestant, it made me shuddered even more.

finally, it my turn to SHINE! i started from first verse of my song- journey by corrinne may.
den carried on with the second one and i was interrupted by a cold merciless voice, ' thank you, you can stop''
my throat was as if being sliced across by that pair of voice and to be rendered, suffocated and despair to the ending world for me.

i stood back to the line and was utterly furious by the amount of time that had given us. they said it was a minute but no matter how they convinced us or i try to convince myself, it will still be too ludicrous to believe so. i could not even show off what i have. FUCK OFF!

after the audition, i knew i could not make it with just my two verse in that room.
but nothing can be done, i felt cheated that moment. my 5 hours was scam!

DAMN.....but whatever, i'm over it anyway.....