2day i went to the library 2 study ,on the contrary it seems like i'm going 2 some motivational lecture. simply because of the conversation i had with my friend.though i had to admit that it had somehow hurt me however it hit me greatly and understand how imbecile and immature i was. realizing de life i was leading was pretty lame and childish which is kinda ''unhealthy'' for someone who is having o level this year. is either i did not realized or i'm just deceiving me into believing that i am improving greatly in my eng but in fact it wasn't so.

i understood the diff between looking and seeing , though it may look the same but it actually had much diff. quote from my friend '' looking at things means that u look at something and thats it but when u see something , u digest , concentrate and understand those word' i was kinda dumbfounded that moment. but am i de only one who realized such thing? if it is den i really think i have wasted my life .

one more thing is that practically all my friends know what they want for life and they know what is best and essential for them to succeed in life but as for me? i'm spinning round and round on the same spot without realizing as if i've fall into a endless spiral that i can't get out. the thought dreads me whenever i looked in front and i can see the finish my sec life and o level the obstacle is right infront of my finish line which can greatly affect my life in future

i not blaming or whatsoever , i definitely very self-conscious about my study however the lecture had let me realized that what i doing now won't bring me any further towards where i wanna go. however being mentally self-conscious simply wasn't enough because action still speaks louder than words ....

saying umpteen of not being distracted by foolish relationships and stuff but still.....

feeling ridiculously absurd , time is definitely not on my side anymore. o level is gonna be around the corner before i realised and i'm still stuck in the same point.

emotions is such a distracting thing. relationships is such a complicated thing. i'm tired of all these stuff but it just kept coming no matter how i repel and resist it , it is really inevitable.

anyway this is my story.
i have a crush on someone. frankly speaking , its is not a recent emotions in me. reason why i have decide to wrote here is because the happenings around me examples like ''the incident of JK and A'' . that incident made me feel rather envy about JK's actions. he dares to take that step to overcome the fear of everyone eyeing and request for stead for more than twice which is really considerably remarkable. i hate being cowardliness and being pessimistic all the time , i know dearly that being this way won't bring me any good or any anything i wanna have. i just could not bring myself to request for stead to that person , not afraid to be rejected but afraid the sissy personality that everyone is talking about will bring even more ridiculous stuff that would distract me even further. beside that , i also think that i'm not up to her . she is too perfect for me , i could not just ask her for stead like this especially not when i'm in such bad condition where study is going bottom and relationship with friend is in a wrack. i can see or feel that there are other people who have the same feeling towards to her , but those people are much much better den me so there are simply no reason for me to get sour. every time i face her , i would feel terrible , i must warned myself not to go too close to her or else... as if millions of words that are meant for her evaporated in seconds. i cannot resent cause i know if i wanna change everything , i have to change myself . transform into at least a worthy person than what i am now , not useless , not stupid and with the STUPID SP i'm having.....
every time i saw her with other people , i feel kinda sour in my heart a indescribable feeling just unbearable but ultimately the person i can blame is myself......

sleepover

before the first day of school , my cca-choir went to esplanade to watch some choir concert.

The concert started around 7+ and ended around 9 and the performance is so BORING!!

i'm not being mean or whatsoever , i understand that they are very good but there are no surprises , the songs they sing are so uncommon rendered me almost fall asleep. Anyway , after concert my friend(jw and another friend) went to search for something to satisfied our depthless hunger.

it was sooo late and all shops are close rendered us 1hour to get something to eat.

after that we went home lorz.

btw , during the outing with jw, at first we kept a distance away from each other as if we dunno each other. slowly ,through the laughter i get to say something to him but this only happens a couple of times only.

back to the main topic[sleepover]
after going to school for some admin stuff , i went for my very first sleepover at my friend house.It was the last day of 2009 and i;m gonna spent it with my friend for the very first time.

very glad that my relationship with my that friend is gradually getting better however , he is younger than me by one year therefore cannot be the same class as me haizzz
but still , i am very satisfied now i dare not expect to much from friend either so staying this way is good.

for almost the whole day we played psp till the time to eat dinner
i ate chicken chop add rice and it is really big serving very very big , but i finish it though.
bought cup noodle and went back to my friend's house.
his sis and her bf is at home as well , at first i felt kinda uncomfortable but they did not really respond to my existence therefore i treated them the same as well.
one thing i notice about their house is that they dun close the door , which is to me kinda unusual. i mean everyone needed privacy even if it is to ur parent privacy is still needed though but their family dun practice such thing.

From there , i started thinking if my friend's sis and his bf wanna F den nver close door den his bro go see won't it be totally in embaressment? yuck dun even wish to imagine that lol.

till 10 o'clock , we started playing cards like uno and old maid . we have soo much fun!!!
12o'clock , we turn on the tv and we waited for the countdown.
we scream , cheer and shouted hesterically in his house when we finally come to 2010 his sis also join in the crazy shouting and screaming. hahaha

we planned not to sleep on that day , so we ate cum noodles at around 4+ to keep us awake.
but until 5-6 o'clock we both gave up and fall asleep.

the next thing i realized was that the sun is already hanging high on top and it was alrady 12 liaoz and i said that i gonna go home at 2 cause i need to celebrate my grandma birthday.

we played cards until the time i left. i have soo much fun , i can't put it into words la is just very very fun.

after i went home , i quickly get all dress up and get ready to go to the restaurent where we gonna celebrate my grandma birth.

those two days are soo packed with soo much programmes.i just went home and boom on my bed and fall asleep.

*please tell me the standard of my english if it is good or bad thx =)