christmas

christmas is right around the corner.

just a few months back i was saying, ' what?! god, they sure are fast! christmas is still months away!'

and now, its a just couple of days away.

christmas is usually not something that i'll celebrate or in general, i do not celebrate holidays.

there are a couple of reason to this anti-holiday me, a nice way to say would be that i do not wish to.

but in actual fact, i do not have friends to do so.

but even if i do, they have their their dates, their programmes, their friends.

i won't be their priority.


i'm starting to hate holidays.

my young-self would not feel so hollow as i am now.

now as i grew older, the more exposure to media,  the more i'm getting bombed by the emphasis of the holiday.

it is just really annoying to how the people and the media gives a impression  to the public that holiday should be significant.

i know i sound  bitter and full of jealousy but a person in solitary writing blog should be gaining some sympathy, so excuse me.


  new years eve is also right around the corner, probably the most significant holiday ever.

so as it drew nearer, my legs starts to shake, not in excitement but in fear.

seemingly my fortitude is going to crumble down.

i want to make it special....

the past 16 years was pathetic.

i have no one to celebrate since i got hated for stupid reason about how i behave and all.

for all the insults i heard and having to say that i do not care, yes i do.

even despite punching myself to stop absorbing those negative message, i failed.

they hated me, or maybe i should say dislike, so as to make you feel better and to spark off less controversy of, ' oh no i do not hate you' or ' oh i never say i do not like you '

oh just shut up.

listen to all the crap you're saying,  stuffing your own crap into your mouth will taste the same.

last year, i said i'll become more socialize since social phobia came to me then.

And yes i did, i became more socialized.

but this wish to become more socialized is to hope that i be accompanied during the holidays

so as it seems, being socialized isn't enough to make people stay.