Friday, October 01, 2010
Saturday, September 18, 2010
dun regret what u had decided.
once a decision is made, it cannot be revert back, especially major decisions.
i was stupid. i was dumb. i was childish.
all these points above made me make every decision solely on my emotions.
those were the times when i was in sec 2 or 3, naive and sickening.
right now, i dare not say how mature i am but i can be little confident to say that i will not make any decision solely base on my emotions in future.
as what i had said, every decision can affect you in every way. it can be a bad one or a good one and it is only depend on how you cogitated before u make that decision. apparently, i had made a wrong one.....
that wrong turn had thrown me into a world where endless envious , jealousy , devastation and the yearning of love to be haunting me everyday. i was wrong about my decision and i can no longer revert back no matter how much i desire.
about my decision, i cannot share it with you all but the main thing is not to make the wrong the decision.
i hate the feeling of regret. especially during late at night, when I am lying on my bed and shrouded by darkness. during that moment, this feeling suddenly have the ability to dig out my deepest fear and i was rendered to be terrified. i sat up and covered myself with my blanket and i started to shudder. memories/flashback started playing like a movie in my mind and i as if feel myself setting into that moment like going back to the past. i was back to that crux moment of making my decision and if i were to able to alter history, especially during that moment, i think that my life now will be a 360 change, a good one to be precise.
i detest how our brain works. it is said that the most memorable things that can leave a mark on your brain is memories of devastation and agony. btw this information was adapted from the recent comprehension. actually, this sentence about only devastation and agony is able to linger on, actually also means that '' happiness does not linger in our mind long'' and it is a shame....
indeed, my mind is now overwhelmed with all these stuff and all the happy memories seems to have evaporated from my mind. happiness is such a fleeting and unrealistic emotion....
dun regret....
i was stupid. i was dumb. i was childish.
all these points above made me make every decision solely on my emotions.
those were the times when i was in sec 2 or 3, naive and sickening.
right now, i dare not say how mature i am but i can be little confident to say that i will not make any decision solely base on my emotions in future.
as what i had said, every decision can affect you in every way. it can be a bad one or a good one and it is only depend on how you cogitated before u make that decision. apparently, i had made a wrong one.....
that wrong turn had thrown me into a world where endless envious , jealousy , devastation and the yearning of love to be haunting me everyday. i was wrong about my decision and i can no longer revert back no matter how much i desire.
about my decision, i cannot share it with you all but the main thing is not to make the wrong the decision.
i hate the feeling of regret. especially during late at night, when I am lying on my bed and shrouded by darkness. during that moment, this feeling suddenly have the ability to dig out my deepest fear and i was rendered to be terrified. i sat up and covered myself with my blanket and i started to shudder. memories/flashback started playing like a movie in my mind and i as if feel myself setting into that moment like going back to the past. i was back to that crux moment of making my decision and if i were to able to alter history, especially during that moment, i think that my life now will be a 360 change, a good one to be precise.
i detest how our brain works. it is said that the most memorable things that can leave a mark on your brain is memories of devastation and agony. btw this information was adapted from the recent comprehension. actually, this sentence about only devastation and agony is able to linger on, actually also means that '' happiness does not linger in our mind long'' and it is a shame....
indeed, my mind is now overwhelmed with all these stuff and all the happy memories seems to have evaporated from my mind. happiness is such a fleeting and unrealistic emotion....
dun regret....
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
i'm confused , i'm stuck , i'm being indecisive!!!
i'm confused , i'm stuck , i'm being indecisive!!!
what do i want for MY LIFE?
i know i'd like to be a performer, best to be a singer. a singer's overall appearance is extremely crucial but this is the thing i'm lack off!! i cannot dance, i cannot sing well, i don't have the look and i cannot even play a instrument. i want to be a successful singer but these seems to be the basic requirement to success. i want to learn them but time is not on my side anymore. the only thing i have now is only youth so i must be quick and make my decision or else it will be harder for me to succeed next time. besides, to start out early have its benefits as well. if i realized i cannot adapt to the music industry, i still can quit at a young age and start something else.
but right now, i do not know what to do..... i want to be singer and this is the only thing i want to do but with all these things that i'm lacking off, i'm worried that i could not make it big.....and plus i have to consider my SP...... that thing that had been tormenting me, mentally and physically.
i jolly well know that, if i dun get rid of it i will never do anything regarding socializing , nonetheless to talk about being a singer.....
i so lost now....
to be living in a total slum in my future is the last thing i ever wanted in my life plausibly not even in my thoughts. maybe not slum, maybe i should say a life that i need to do things that i HATE and need to bother about money and all the other trivial matters.
i'm scared.....
people usually said time flies and whenever this sentence creep into my ears, the fear in me triggers. i would fear that in future, i might not succeed and live a total miserable life. whereas my friend will all be successful and i have to gaze them from above and need to rack my brains to come out with lies to disguise the alternate life i have.
I DON'T WANT!!!!!!!!!
i have to work now....but......how??!!!
i'm confused , i'm stuck , i'm being indecisive!!!
i'm confused , i'm stuck , i'm being indecisive!!!
what do i want for MY LIFE?
i know i'd like to be a performer, best to be a singer. a singer's overall appearance is extremely crucial but this is the thing i'm lack off!! i cannot dance, i cannot sing well, i don't have the look and i cannot even play a instrument. i want to be a successful singer but these seems to be the basic requirement to success. i want to learn them but time is not on my side anymore. the only thing i have now is only youth so i must be quick and make my decision or else it will be harder for me to succeed next time. besides, to start out early have its benefits as well. if i realized i cannot adapt to the music industry, i still can quit at a young age and start something else.
but right now, i do not know what to do..... i want to be singer and this is the only thing i want to do but with all these things that i'm lacking off, i'm worried that i could not make it big.....and plus i have to consider my SP...... that thing kept tormenting me, mentally and physically and i jolly well know that, if one day i dun get a treatment to it i will never do anything regarding socializing , nonetheless to talk about being a singer.....
i so lost now....
to be living in a total slum in my future is the last thing i ever wanted in my life. maybe not slum, maybe i should say a life that i need to do things that i HATE and need to bother about money and all the other trivial matters. i'm scared.....
people usually said time flies and whenever this sentence creep into my ears, the fear in me triggers. i would fear that in future, i might not succeed and live a total miserable life. whereas my friend will all be successful and i have to gaze them from above and need to rack my brains to come out with lies to disguise the alternate life i have.
I DON'T WANT!!!!!!!!!
i have to work now....but......how??!!!
Thursday, July 29, 2010
long time no posttttt =)) *things about choir too =))
yo readers!!! is been so long since i post. well, about the reasons to that i need not explain at all, just ask the graduating classes in my school.....
but before you ask them, brace yourself for a-full-of-ranting conversation that is about the ridiculous time spent in school, the stress we are harboring and how fucking fatigue we are.
haha i guess i'm being too full of myself to be representing myself for the graduating classes. but this is exactly how i felt though. despite all these .....well i'll say hardship , that we are going through there are people who still can look on the bright side to this situation. As for the majority, no matter how we deplore , it seems that nothing will change even it becomes a controversial matter. fortunately, there was someone or rather a group who was willing to take the initiative to confront the VP.....
on the selfish and lazy side of me, i definitely wish this ''mission'' will work out well. but on the contrary, i think that this is actually mission impossible, just judge on the fucking school's persistant attitude, i doubt nothing will be accomplished if it is on the students ways.
besides study, there are definitely other things i wanna share.... it is about my beloved pet, fangkong. those who don't know, my pet had been send away by my parent to farmart, also the place where my relative works. its been 3weeks and i haven seen him yet....
genuinely, i really miss him.... haizzz....i wonder how is he.....
*change topic
Everyone seems to have a goal in their mind, a place where they belong and a place that they want to be at in future, in other words, the job that they want for themselves. for me, i'm still unable to decide if my passion(singing) is to be just a hobby or a job that will provide a life that i wanted
. true enough and undeceivable, I LOVE singing and will not mind to be singing and performing for the rest of life. but then again, there are soo many people in this world, so many people wanted to be a singer so what makes me stand out from the others? unique is probably the key to succeed but i'm just a typical teenager, plausibly having the most common voice ever and that also includes the appearance of myself.....
after considering all these things, i got stuck on the journey to my dream.
*choir
today, the passion in me rekindle and i was plunge into a mixture of emotions.
this afternoon, my choir was having their rehearsal for the upcoming ndp performance. the first emotion that hit me was a feeling of nostalgia. short clips from the most deserted part of my brain was dug out and played. the fun scene i had in choir flashed across and i realized the choir that i always complained for taking up so much time in the past, now meant a lot to me that moment.
since sec 1 i've been in choir and 3 years had already past. things changed during that three years, relationships may turn sour and friends may grew stranger but my feeling towards singing and choir hasn't change.....
during that 3 years, with the accompany of the other member in choir or rather VOICES , we had participated in many performance and made mutiple memories that are valuable experience to me. just last year during ndp , i stand before thousands of people and showed off my voice. that moment was fantastic haha just look at my older post on NDP haha how nostagic....
in the late afternoon, another rehearsal began again. fortunately, right after my math remedial , choir was up next and i'm just on the nick of time to enjoy their performance. during that performance, a feeling of yearning and a little begrudge was the next emotion that hit me
but even despite that i cannot join in anymore, i still wish my choir all the best for their ndp performance
oh , one more thing, that little guy in choir will NEVER replace me =)
*i'm irreplaceable =P
but before you ask them, brace yourself for a-full-of-ranting conversation that is about the ridiculous time spent in school, the stress we are harboring and how fucking fatigue we are.
haha i guess i'm being too full of myself to be representing myself for the graduating classes. but this is exactly how i felt though. despite all these .....well i'll say hardship , that we are going through there are people who still can look on the bright side to this situation. As for the majority, no matter how we deplore , it seems that nothing will change even it becomes a controversial matter. fortunately, there was someone or rather a group who was willing to take the initiative to confront the VP.....
on the selfish and lazy side of me, i definitely wish this ''mission'' will work out well. but on the contrary, i think that this is actually mission impossible, just judge on the fucking school's persistant attitude, i doubt nothing will be accomplished if it is on the students ways.
besides study, there are definitely other things i wanna share.... it is about my beloved pet, fangkong. those who don't know, my pet had been send away by my parent to farmart, also the place where my relative works. its been 3weeks and i haven seen him yet....
genuinely, i really miss him.... haizzz....i wonder how is he.....
*change topic
Everyone seems to have a goal in their mind, a place where they belong and a place that they want to be at in future, in other words, the job that they want for themselves. for me, i'm still unable to decide if my passion(singing) is to be just a hobby or a job that will provide a life that i wanted
. true enough and undeceivable, I LOVE singing and will not mind to be singing and performing for the rest of life. but then again, there are soo many people in this world, so many people wanted to be a singer so what makes me stand out from the others? unique is probably the key to succeed but i'm just a typical teenager, plausibly having the most common voice ever and that also includes the appearance of myself.....
after considering all these things, i got stuck on the journey to my dream.
*choir
today, the passion in me rekindle and i was plunge into a mixture of emotions.
this afternoon, my choir was having their rehearsal for the upcoming ndp performance. the first emotion that hit me was a feeling of nostalgia. short clips from the most deserted part of my brain was dug out and played. the fun scene i had in choir flashed across and i realized the choir that i always complained for taking up so much time in the past, now meant a lot to me that moment.
since sec 1 i've been in choir and 3 years had already past. things changed during that three years, relationships may turn sour and friends may grew stranger but my feeling towards singing and choir hasn't change.....
during that 3 years, with the accompany of the other member in choir or rather VOICES , we had participated in many performance and made mutiple memories that are valuable experience to me. just last year during ndp , i stand before thousands of people and showed off my voice. that moment was fantastic haha just look at my older post on NDP haha how nostagic....
in the late afternoon, another rehearsal began again. fortunately, right after my math remedial , choir was up next and i'm just on the nick of time to enjoy their performance. during that performance, a feeling of yearning and a little begrudge was the next emotion that hit me
but even despite that i cannot join in anymore, i still wish my choir all the best for their ndp performance
oh , one more thing, that little guy in choir will NEVER replace me =)
*i'm irreplaceable =P
Monday, July 26, 2010
CHOIR FEVER!!!! -.-
CHECK OUT THIS VID!!! MY VERY OWN CHOIR SANG THIS!!!! SADLY , I'M NOT IN , SO IT MAY NOT SOUND NICE... *CHEY....
Thursday, July 08, 2010
life
life. what is life??
this question kept circulating around my mind lately.
As i grew older and at every passing moment, i realized i am a step closer to the society , a step closer to the adult world where everything is gonna done in the ADULT way.
this means that responsibilty will be something that i must take up sooner or later. no more childish mindsets , no more using of amateur methods and no more making foolish decisions. i know i am not ready at all but i cannot stop time, therefore i must adapt myself to that even if i struggle to do so.
still , i am searching the true meaning of life. i imagined the life i will have when i grew up in future and i found out that being a adult will be the same as now , as in, being a adult will be thrown into a endless cycle again and we have to work hard non-stop to achieve something. foolishly , i thought that after Os we do not need to work hard anymore but apparently , i am wrong, there is even more ahead. it is really sickening when all i see from life was just working hard and working even harder, is like , what the point? i'm not happy to this at all but doing this is the only way to get me the pot of gold .
i hate this...
i hate the endless cycle of working hard
i hate to be shrouded by thick haze
i hate spinning round on the same spot.
working hard and working hard and working hard.....i'm fucking sick....
this question kept circulating around my mind lately.
As i grew older and at every passing moment, i realized i am a step closer to the society , a step closer to the adult world where everything is gonna done in the ADULT way.
this means that responsibilty will be something that i must take up sooner or later. no more childish mindsets , no more using of amateur methods and no more making foolish decisions. i know i am not ready at all but i cannot stop time, therefore i must adapt myself to that even if i struggle to do so.
still , i am searching the true meaning of life. i imagined the life i will have when i grew up in future and i found out that being a adult will be the same as now , as in, being a adult will be thrown into a endless cycle again and we have to work hard non-stop to achieve something. foolishly , i thought that after Os we do not need to work hard anymore but apparently , i am wrong, there is even more ahead. it is really sickening when all i see from life was just working hard and working even harder, is like , what the point? i'm not happy to this at all but doing this is the only way to get me the pot of gold .
i hate this...
i hate the endless cycle of working hard
i hate to be shrouded by thick haze
i hate spinning round on the same spot.
working hard and working hard and working hard.....i'm fucking sick....
from life , i could not see any exit to working hard. instead, what i see was a even tougher situation that i'll be in than now.
base on what i had seen , is it just the surface of life? or is it the reailty of life?
either way, it had rendered me to stop thinkin about the future. maybe because i'm trying to escape maybe because of of fear.But regardless what is the reasons , all i have to do is to deceive myself into believing that Os is the mark of working hard and act as a drive to strive hard for my Os...
Saturday, July 03, 2010
Monday, June 21, 2010
appearance
there are many people on this only planet.
some are gifted with things like , intelligence , appearance etc
some are meant to do something in their life
but what about me?
am i the exception
i neither have the look nor intelligence. intelligence is the inner side of you and appearance is the outer side of you, *like duh . having a good package is relatively importantly because , as what they said , '' you ought to give a good impression first before they grew interest and find out more about you''
judging this way is inevitable. i suppose this is human nature.....
this is also why the society are put into a pyramid.
good looking ones , have the world around them. no worries about bad remarks , no dreads to social functions and happily awaiting each and everyday.
their well-packaged shell and together with their best make up- smile, as if have the power to destroy those superficial bad remarks which had the ability to blemishes others confident.
As for people like us , we have to fear about all these things.
we need careful consideration before executing anything and finally when we are taking a step , you realized that it does not take you far at all. for instance , dream.
is hard to let go and forget about the appearance matter because other people will kept reminding you about it using terrible remarks. i do not have a strong will that will keep me standing forever hence , i fear to approach my dream now, but on the contrary, i also fear that i could not fulfill my dream. being in such complication , i am unable to weight the importance of it anymore.
pursue my dream or not?
some are gifted with things like , intelligence , appearance etc
some are meant to do something in their life
but what about me?
am i the exception
i neither have the look nor intelligence. intelligence is the inner side of you and appearance is the outer side of you, *like duh . having a good package is relatively importantly because , as what they said , '' you ought to give a good impression first before they grew interest and find out more about you''
judging this way is inevitable. i suppose this is human nature.....
this is also why the society are put into a pyramid.
good looking ones , have the world around them. no worries about bad remarks , no dreads to social functions and happily awaiting each and everyday.
their well-packaged shell and together with their best make up- smile, as if have the power to destroy those superficial bad remarks which had the ability to blemishes others confident.
As for people like us , we have to fear about all these things.
we need careful consideration before executing anything and finally when we are taking a step , you realized that it does not take you far at all. for instance , dream.
is hard to let go and forget about the appearance matter because other people will kept reminding you about it using terrible remarks. i do not have a strong will that will keep me standing forever hence , i fear to approach my dream now, but on the contrary, i also fear that i could not fulfill my dream. being in such complication , i am unable to weight the importance of it anymore.
pursue my dream or not?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
